His arms shifted down to Steve’s middle, and he held him near, closing his own eyes and letting his breathing even out. God knew he wanted to believe everything the other man had to say, and he did in the way that he knew Steve meant it, that he always would, even when there was better out there for him. Pushing those ill-conceived insecurities—the notion that having something meant inevitably losing it—aside, he focused on now, on the fact that right now he had someone in his arms, someone he cared about, and it was a better feeling than thinking happened to be.
Of course, Steve saw right through him, and he exhaled quietly at the suggestion, and held him a little closer, “Don’t leave,” He murmured under his breath, “I don’t doubt that you love me, trust me, I don’t, but there are better people out there and—If I can’t keep you for good, I don’t want you to leave without saying goodbye, Steve, I don’t want to wake up one day and find out you’re gone, and wonder what I couldn’t done,” He blurted out, and words stumbled over themselves, and he immediately wished he hadn’t said anything.
People wanted Tony Stark, the spectacle, the showman—The side order of insecurity wasn’t part of that.
Steve would never be able to explain the feeling being held like this by Tony caused in him. His heart was beating faster and the world stopped spinning - It was just the both of them.
Only them…Only their love and only their story.
Once again he closed his eyes and shifted closer to him, smiled softly and nodded when Tony really started to talk before he slowly lifted his head to place a soft kiss on his chin. He would rather die than ever leave Tony, that was for sure, but he knew that he couldn’t make Tony believe this until he proved it to him by waking up next to him everyday of the rest of their life…
“There are better for you, too. People who’s hand you can in public, who you can kiss in the cinema… Woman every man would envy you for… —And still you stay here, pick me over all of them and make me feel like the most special person alive.”
Maybe for Tony it wasn’t as hard as it was for Steve. But he was used to the show business, Steve wasn’t.
“But I promise you…I will not leave without saying goodbye.” —He would write that letter to Tony, fill it with his feelings, tell him over and over again how much he loved him and how much he’d wish for him to move on, build a family, and watch out for Fur-Ball…
Steve loved thisTony even more than the normal-Tony. This Tony who didn’t worry about keeping secrets and watching out what he said… “Please keep talking…—What else is bothering you?”
His arms moved seamlessly around Steve’s shoulders, as the man settled in his lap, and he slid a hand across the back of his neck, settling there, the tips of his fingers brushing up slightly into the short hairs at the very back.
The words didn’t surprise him, he doubted Steve would ever stop trying to make him feel important, and necessary. Leaning in, his arms slackened around the man, and he settled his lips against Steve’s own, only barely, and for only a second, before he broke the kiss, bumping their noses lightly and smiling.
“I’m not the marrying type.”
I don’t want to leave you with a ring, and an empty promise when I’m gone.
“—But, either way, I’m yours, Rogers. What more could you want?”
But a life, a wife, children, the whole deal, everything I can’t give you.
He hated himself for the things he couldn’t say, the things he refused to say, because for him, seeing that smile, that inexplicable happiness, that was enough to make believe that maybe it was enough.
Tony Stark had never been afraid of waking up alone, but occasionally, when he reaches out blindly, and finds an empty space, there’s a panicked thrum in his chest, that barely subsides when he opens his eyes to find Steve has only shifted a few inches aside in his sleep.
One day it might be more than a couple of inches.
Steve closed his eyes and kissed the other one back gently, smiling up to him with a beaming and childlike smile before he nodded softly.
“I know…—And it’s okay..” —Of course Steve wasn’t dumb. He knew that Tony didn’t just hated marriages and didn’t talked about it because of that. There was something deeper that he wasn’t sure if he wanted to find out.
He knew that Tony didn’t think that well about himself and that he thought he wouldn’t be enough, no matter what he tried to say to convince him.
“Nothing.”, he answered with a soft chuckle before leaning against Tony’s shoulder once again comfortable, closing his eyes and adding silently: “Having you is more than enough.”
And Tony had to know that Steve was no one who’d say things like that just like this. He meant what he said with every part of his body.
But the fact that Tony didn’t dared to open up completely was hurting.
Of course some things weren’t meant to share with other’s, but the reason why they kept having fights about those kind of things was because Tony preferred staying silent over telling him about his problems.
“You know…If there is something you wish to tell me…Right now would be the perfect moment to do so..”
“Of course, Ma’am, I’ll be there in five minutes!”
Inclining his head, he pressed his lips to Steve’s temple, closing his eyes and making a content sound, “Have I ever mentioned you’re like a radiator? It’s perfect,” He supplied in an amused sound, appreciating the warmth of the other man. Releasing one hand, Tony drew that arm around Steve’s waist.
“You’re not getting rid of me, by the way—I should’ve mentioned that, but I’d say you’re stuck with me now, not that, that’s actually a bad thing,” He murmured, shifting to accommodate the man a little better.
Steve closed his eyes when he felt the soft lips on his temple and nodded softly with a small smile on his lips. “You never said I’d be like a radiator, no, but you mentioned that my body temperature would be hot.”, he said and leaned against the other’s chest, laying his arms around him, too, and just enjoying the moment.
They had been arguing more often lately than they ever had, and Steve did fear that one day Tony did get sick of it but until then he’d glue on Tony as if it’d be his last chance to do so.
“It is the best thing that ever happened to me.”, he said softly and placed a kiss on Tony’s cheek before softly climbed over the other man’s lap and placed his legs over the other one, nuzzling close against him. “You know…—I do not need anything but you. It does not matter if I’m married to you or I’m not…I mean…I have you. What more could I want…? Never forget that, yes?”
“You can understand all of that, but not as simple a’thing as being a vampire? And not all of us hate the sun when we have our ways of you know… not frying in it.”
“Peggy, that was her name yes. I believe anyway. Seemed to me she was the only dame you had eyes for and there were a lot of them back than, even now I’m guessing. No need to apologize, you’re a popular guy and I imagine the whole… seventy year slumber leaves the memories a little jilted.”
“A vampire…”, he mumbled before shaking his head and trying to work with the new won knowledge. Fury had told him that he would see many things he couldn’t explain or understand and that was one of those things…
“I do not wish to talk about Miss Carter if that’s alright..” He had loved her, that wasn’t a secret, ad he would have married her if he had had the chances to do so but he hadn’t… —He was here now.
“I am sorry, but no…I have more important things to keep an eye on, than on dames.”
Toni blinked at Steve, as if to make sure he was serious, and then tried to hold her giggles when she saw that he was. “Your…cellphone?” she asked, smiling at him. “Uh, sure Steve, I think I might be able to handle that. What kind are you using? I could upgrade it so that it’s easier to use and make it more durable. Man, I should really get you a Nokia. But I don’t think Fury would like that because it’s missing features or something stupid like that.” Toni held out her hand to take the phone.
“SHIELD-Phone.”, he said before handling the phone with the shattered glass to Tony with a soft smile on his face. “That’s my third one…—I couldn’t ask Director Fury for a forth one so I tried to use it this way… —It worked at the beginning, but now I can not tell who is calling me or see who I am calling.”
He had a quite wide grin in his face, he had been like that since he found out the whole news abut the baby. “Yeah, I’m still shocked I did it…” He gave back a friendly pat on the arm to Steve and sat again. Many things had changed in Tony’s life and for someone who always knew what to say it was all new and couldn’t find the right words “Oh well, and how do you feel abut kids? ‘cause maybe we’ll need some little help from time to time, y’know, taking care of her.”
“I love children!”, he said with that enthiasastic smile on his lips before he started wipping up and down on his chair. “I would love to help you out, although I do no tknow much about children —I could sing him the Captain America song everynight and…—Whatever you would need my help for.”
“Good morning, Tony! And yes, I am, thank you very much. Fury just wanted to make sure that my body is doing fine, too, so I had to get trough a few tests this week… —And you?”
((Off for tonight! Please like the post if I owe you a post!))
Isaac saw his awkward look but he really couldn’t care. “You’re the reason i’m alive.” Isaac rested his head on the man’s shoulder, closing his eyes.
Derek slapped a hand to his face, but his expression turned somber. “‘fraid the boy’s right. He had a pretty hard life before I gave him the bite. His mom died when he was 8 and his brother died in the army a year before that. His dad went kind of crazy, and started beating the crap out of him. I’ll let him tell the rest.”
Isaac looked down, voice a bit muffled by the cotton of Steve’s shirt. “My dad would hit me when I did even the slightest thing wrong. He used to..” He choked on a sob, trying to push it back down. “He locked me in an empty fridge when I was bad, and I got so sick and tired of having to hide my scars and bruises. Lacrosse can only act as an excuse for so long. I was going to end it. I had no friends. I was over. My life was horrible. I got into comic books and I just…” he shrugged. “It was bearable. But you were the best. You had a hard life too. You were like me. Weak and small, unable to protect yourself. But then someone came along and saved you. And your life got so much better. That’s me. And Cap, you can call me whatever the hell you want.”
Steve was still holding the boy in his arms before he looked at the other man and tilted his head. He wasn’t quite sure if thebitewas a codename for something else but he didn’t ask since hw wasn’t quite sure if he wanted to know it either.
“A father never should do that…” - Violence was something Steve hated the most. Violence, Bullies and war… But sadly those three things kept coming back no matter how much time passed, they were part of the human life.
Slowly he lowered the boy down again and patted his shoulder, smiling softly and nodding. “I’m glad to hear that my life inspired you to hang on…” —Steve’s live had been everything but easy..
He had lost his brother too early to actually remember him, his father hadn’t done much more than drink and yell around before he died and his mom died early, too…He was sick every week, was asthmatic and actually no one had believed that he’d get older than six years but here he was now…In the 21th century.
“Please call me Steve, Isaac.”
Toni bit her lip and grinned at him, holding up a hologram of the chest plate of her suit. “I was trying to alter this design to see if I could get more blast for less power…usually in battles, the chest piece is kind of a last resort because it soaks up all my power.” She removed the cover to the chest piece, revealing the holographic wires; they glowed in various colors and it was quite complex.
“Unfortunately, I think that it would require altering the design of the arc reactor, something that would, based on last time, involve a complete renovation of the lab,” Toni laughed, putting the chest piece aside and zooming in on the repulsors instead.
“Mmm…I guess the suit doesn’t need too much work, to be honest,” she muttered, sliding the holograms away and leaning her chin on her hand. “Hey, Steve, is there anything I could make you? Anything at all? I gotta have something to do, you know, to keep me occupied and supposedly out of trouble.”
Steve listened to her words before nodding and smiling softly. It wasn’t like he could exactly tell what Toni was trying to tell him but he knew more or less what she was talking about.
“Hm…? No, no I don#t need anything, I have my shield and my suit…. —You could repair my cellphone if you’d wish to, or make me one that does not break as soon as I press to hard..”
It’d taken him awhile to realize that Steve Rogers wasn’t the man his father had described him to be. That man was a soldier, an accomplishment, the pinnacle of scientific achievement. He’d never known that man to be capable of feeling vulnerable, and in all honesty, he’d seemed a little inhuman, and impossible to measure up against.
Howard had, had it wrong.
The man whose hands he held onto, was more than that. He faltered, he wasn’t perfect, and he was broken in his own way. Maybe his father had seen power in what he could make seem flawless, but those traits were what made Steve all the stronger, and braver, for pushing past them.
“You’ve got a better way with words than I do,” He smiled, brushing his thumbs against the backs of Steve’s hands.
Steve looked at Tony’s eyes for a moment and waited for a reaction, searched for something that would tell him he was making a mistake or hurting the other one but…He wasn’t.
And a soft chuckle left his lips when he heard the other’s word before leaned over to the man and placed his head on his shoulder, nodding gently. “I blame you for it…”; he whispered and squeezed the other’s hands softly.
He was grateful for the fact that Tony hadn’t been searching for the oh so perfect soldier everyone was seeing in him - Because that showed him exactly that Tony didn’t loved Captain America or the look the Super Soldier Serum gave him, but Steve Rogers. The man behind all of this.
“And I was worried of never finding the true love…”
“How could I say no to something like that? —Will the others come, too?”
((And I’m gone again… —I’m so, so, so sorry! I miss you guys :c ))
I: “You don’t know me, but I know you! You’re captain america! I’m a huge fan, i’ve read all the comics and documentaries I just…i’m so excited to meet you!” Isaac launched at the man, hugging him tightly, legs wrapping around his waist.
D: “Oh my god, Isaac. I’m sorry, he doesn’t do this usually…you must be one of those SHIELD agents he’s always gushing about.”
Steve tilted his head when he felt arms and legs wrapped around himself and blinked a few times, meeting the other guy’s gaze and nodding slowly. “Y-Yeah…I…I feel honored, Isaac, —Can I call you that?”
Steve was awkwardly holding the other one to make sure he wouldn’t fall down and flushed —Not even Coulson had reacted on him like that… “It is a pleasure to meet the both of you…But…You can call me Steve. You don’t have to go with Captain America when I’m not wearing the suit.”
“Ah, just bring down your favorite, I’ve probably read it at some point,” Toni said with a grin, waving him off.
“And, you know, I guess you’re right. Really it’s not only that I don’t want people to think I love her, but I don’t think she would want people to think that we’re…together,” she explained, trying to think of a good way to put things so that Steve would understand. “Everybody who reads any kind of news media knows, or at least thinks they know, how I am with relationships. I’m pretty sure Pepper wouldn’t want to get involved with anything like that with someone like me, especially since it’s…you know, two females. I wouldn’t mind that, it’s not like the gender aspect that bothers me, but you know how the public is.” Toni rolled her eyes and rubbed her head again, frowning. “It’s all so complicated, especially when you’re well known like me. You’re completely right, with everything Pepper does for me it’s hard not to love her in some ways. It’s not romantic, really, it’s just…appreciative. Pepper’s like a saint, having to take care of me and live with it. The fact that you’ve managed to spend over an hour with me without getting pissed off or offended is something impressive.” Toni smirked and stood up from the couch, stretching her arms out with a small sigh.
“Yeah, join me in the lab; it’d probably be good for both of us,” she said, beckoning for him to follow her downstairs.
Steve looked at Toni for a moment and he nodded slowly. “Back then people got actually killed because of things like this… —So…Yes, I do understand it… —Although the people in this time are much more open about those kind of things…They are still stubborn and hold on things they interpret in the bible than the things which actually are written there..” - His mother always used to say that it didn’t matter which gender someone had or liked - He was just a normal human being, too…
Nodding he stood up and walked over to his bed room where he picked the book he was reading at the moment up and smiled at the fact that he was nearly done, before he walked downstairs to the lab, stepped in and quickly walked over to take a seat, his eyes once again locked with Toni.
“What are you working on..?”
I: Hup hup there soldier.
“Do I know the both of you…?”
“Yeah, me too.”
There wasn’t much to appreciate about it, but at the same time, it was undeniable proof that they cared. He knew what the silence was like, what happened when two people stopped fighting each other, stopped fighting for each other. The idea of ending up in that position with Steve turned his stomach. The thoughts were thankfully disrupted as his wrists were seized, and short kisses found their way along his knuckles.
“I don’t doubt you, or the fact you love me, it’s-It’s me,” He exhaled, turning his wrists in Steve’s hands, and threading their fingers together, “I mean, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’ve got a long list of problems, of mistakes, and—But it’s never you, if I believe in anything, it’s you.”
Steve looked down at ther linked hands for a while before he lifted his gaze and looked up to Tony’s face, listening to him and nodding slowly while pressing his lips on the man’s finger.
He didn’t wanted to ever lose Tony… —What would he do without him? What would he do if he’d wake up in the middle of the night and search for the body he loved nuzzling against? What if he missed holding his hand…?
It wasn’t Tony’s death hefeared so much, but the life after that, after losing him… And the fact that he could actually lose the other one without the need of anyone dying was even worse.
“Thank you…”, he whispered with a broken voice when he heard the words that the other one believe in him. “I’m not…perfect, Tony…I’m…everything but perfect, I have my own mistakes, my own problems…I just don’t have them as long as you do…You know…one of the things I love the most about you is…how good you make me feel like… —I mean…I love the way I love you… —The way I can be with you…—Does that sound dumb…?”
This list is going to grow, so watch this space. (Updated June 16, 2012)
It has come to this, yes. As always, I hope this at least helps someone who’s looking for SteveTony fics to read…
Summary of each fic appears if you hover over the name of the fic. All the stories are completed if not marked otherwise.
Be No Stranger (All Your Saints and Soldiers Remix), PG13, One shot, 6k, read it here
NEW Bloodtests, Spandex and the Debauchery of Captain America, R, One shot, 10k, read it here
PG13 to R, 7 Stories in 7 Chapters in 11k words, read it here
- NEW Research ‘Verse
NC17, 2 Stories in 5 Chapters in 12k words, read it here
PG13 to R, 5 Stories in 5 Chapters in 13k words, read it here
PG13, 3 Stories in 3 Chapters in 13k words, read it here
PG to NC17, 3 Stories in 8 Chapters in 22k words, read it here
T to M, 3 Stories in 3 Chapters in 63k words, read it here
PG to NC17, 5 Stories in 25 Chapters in 90k words, read it here
PG to R, 8 Stories in 31 Chapters and 183k words, Complete (?)